04 - Thea Parikos

22 minutes reading

Today my Lemon Verbena plant arrived. I will enjoy the leaves in my evening tea for a better, calmer sleep. Which I have been seriously lacking for at least the past year. I am happy if I can sleep 5 hours in a row. My mind just won’t stop spinning. I have tons of thoughts in my head, never resting. Melatonin won’t help and Tylenol PM is not something you want to pop on a daily basis. I had been trying to find a good long-term solution for some time when I got the advice to have a Lemon Verbena tea before going to bed.

And I know that if the person who advised Lemon Verbena as the solution says it will work, then it will work. This woman knows all about healthy lifestyle. She runs her own healthy, island-specific restaurant in the middle of the Aegean Sea, on one of the five Blue Zone locations of the world, the Greek island of Ikaria. If there is anyone who knows all about these vital greenleaves, it is she, in whose culture herbs play an essential role and who uses her own herb and vegetable garden for making heavenly longevity dishes for her inn, her business of decades.

For those who are not familiar, Dan Buettner was the man who researched areas in the world where people tend to live the longest. He identified what we call the Blue Zones today: locations of longevity. He studied the lives of people, their routines, and found nine common denominators that contribute to local longevity in all five Blue Zone hotspots. He lets us peek into the lives of Blue Zoners in his show on Netflix, Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones - the exact show where I caught sight of this Greek lady, his guide.

As an advocate of clean, lean eating and a healthy, balanced lifestyle, I was more than excited to connect with my Blue Zone Lady today. Attagirl! in April is Thea Parikos, the owner of Thea’s Inn on the Greek Blue Zone spot, the island of Ikaria. Despite some island-specific technical difficulties that tried to sabotage our interview multiple times, we had a very exciting discussion about her life philosophy, the decisions she made and the dreams she followed to arrive where she is today. An amazing, event-rich life that is authentically hers, with people around that she loves, family and friends; great food and wine, and the endless sea surrounding it all with its blueness and softly splashing, white frothy waves. Our discussion is presented here for you.

Created with love – read with delight.

So, what is your journey, Thea? How did it start?
I was born in the U.S., in Michigan….

I was not aware of that!
Yes, I was. My grandparents settled down in Michigan, in a large Ikarian community, with lots and lots of cousins, and that is where my parents were born. I am second generation Greek in America, that is where I grew up. I started visiting Greece after the age of seven. We would go to Ikaria in Greece, where the roots of my family were. And I loved going there. And I hated coming back to the States.

Especially because I always felt awkward in the U.S. I never felt that I belonged. When I compared myself to my schoolmates, I always thought I was differently wired, a UFO. It gave me much anxiety in my school years. I simply did not have the American mentality.

What happened then?
The end of high school came and I still did not know what I wanted to study. All my cousins went on for higher education and here I was, not fitting in, not knowing what I wanted to do, the only one in the family not continuing studying – so I flew to Ikaria. And this time I spent a full year there.

What did you do there for a year?
Not much, to be honest. I did not have a job, one of my friends ran a private school and I helped out at it. When I ran out of money, I went back to the States. My parents were classic Greeks in the States. Like the ones in the Big Fat Greek Wedding, the movie. They were strict. They were like yeah, go, travel to Greece but come back here eventually. They were honestly concerned about what I wanted to do. And I still was kind of experimenting. In the U.S. I worked as a waitress and once I had the money, I went back to Ikaria, helping out in that private school again. That’s how my life went until I turned 23, when in Ikaria I met my now-husband.

Oh, nice! What’s the story, do you mind sharing?
Not at all! There was this large congregate in the summertime where I was having drinks with a group of people and he was there too. Eventually he offered to give me a ride home. That’s how it all began. We spent the summer together while he was working on a marine cargo vessel, planning to obtain his captain’s license – and then I ran out of money again. I told him I needed to go back to the States, and until the spring I waited tables again.

And with that things started to speed up. My parents wanted to meet him.

And you don’t say no to the parents of a Greek girl when it comes to meeting her sweetheart.

And I started panicking because the most reasonable way for him to come to the States was a fiancé visa but our relationship was honestly not there yet. So… we decided we would get married and then we would see what happens. (And he is still my husband so we can safely say that we were not wrong to go with that fiancé visa…)

To speed up history a little bit, in October he entered the States, in November we had our not-so-big fat Greek wedding hosting around only 200 people (if it had been held on Ikaria, it would’ve been double the guests as all his relatives lived there and only a few could come to Michigan) and in December, as newlyweds, we left the U.S. for Ikaria. I was 24 then.

After him joining the army, and us having our first son, a trip followed to the U.S. and the first real conscious, thoroughly considered decision of ours was made: we would settle down in Ikaria. The Greek island would be a perfect location for children to grow up, and that was the most important factor for us. And we were the crazy ones to come up with that decision.

Crazy is good, I like crazy! In my vocabulary it is a synonym of authentic and courageous. And I think that decision was a really authentic and courageous one. So, what next, back in Ikaria?
Back in Greece we were still testing the waves, trying to figure out what we could do for a living, dipped toes in this and that. It took us a few years to see a somewhat clear image of our future. And it was the image of a family-operated eatery. We decided to name it Thea: in in Greek it can mean goddess or view and is also a female name (my full name means Gift of God). The restaurant opened in 1997. A few years shy of thirty years ago.

I bet it is your pride. What is there to know about Thea, the restaurant?
Well, today we call it Thea’s Inn. And we have rooms for rent, too. Today I only rarely do the cooking myself, I have help. I mostly host guests; I enjoy talking to people. The restaurant offers fully Ikarian meals with a lot of vegetables, fresh meat, fish, and fruits. The menu is built on natural ingredients, completely following the change of the seasons. It changes based on what produce is available. We strive to use local produce and meat. We add our freshly grown herbs to our meals, lots of herbs. They thrive here on the island. Olive oil is another must, and, of course, it is locally grown and produced too. Honey here in Ikaria is highly valued, pesticide-free and we complete syrups, yogurt, and tea with it. Very special. Also special is our local wine.

Sounds like heaven for someone like me who loves clean, healthy meals. Who are your guests?
Our visitors mostly come from Europe, and more and more from America in the past years. People seem to look for quiet places, off the beaten tracks. We have frequenters who stay here for months in the summer, always coming to our restaurant, while others are regulars in other places. There are five restaurants in the village, but it is completion, not competition, the way we coexist. Tourism here provides enough for everyone. There are no ethnic restaurants, all of us operate with locally available ingredients and make Greek meals, but we differ in the meals or even the preparation of the same meal.

What was the reason for you to start a restaurant and not something else?
You know, when my husband and I started to brainstorm about our future in Ikaria, in 1992, it wasn’t an easy place to live. True, we had our property through his family, but in all honesty, there was not much on the island back then. There was some tourism already, Ikaria was liked mostly for the outdoors: by swimmers, hikers, because the scenery was truly perfect here – but not much else. There were two or three restaurants only,; earth roads, unreliable electricity, and no need to say, not many jobs available either. So we could choose from building a home on the property and commuting to work on a daily basis or starting a business on the property based on tourism. And we went for the second one. We decided to establish a restaurant and offer accommodation for visitors as our future income. Again, we were the crazy ones, but oh well.

Again, another authentic and courageous decision. And you already had some experience having served tables in the States back in the day, right?
Well, yes and no. Yes, because I did spend some time close to the fire of hospitality business for years. And no, because running a restaurant in the States is very different from running one in Greece. In America business dictates owners to make sure tables turn as soon as possible. Meals are served and plates are picked up, table is changed fast for new guests. That would be an insult to guests in Greece. When we eat socially, we like to take our time, we do not like to be rushed. We order multiple meals, our tables are full of food and wine, and eat slowly while having fun, enjoying company and just relaxing. Oftentimes a group like that spends three hours in a restaurant, without being in a hurry. Now imagine that in an American restaurant… We run our inn on our island Greek style.

Your life must definitely be busy during the tourist season.
Yes, starting in spring it gets really crazy. That is when I begin getting anxious. On the island it is impossible to do any repair work in the winter, so much rain and wind, and it is hard to find skilled workers in that season too. So whatever needs to be done for the new season basically starts being done around April. Which means April brings the usual worry if everything will be done in time. This anxiety ends in the beginning of the season, then the focus is on the guests. That is a nice period but also a really active and busy one. After guest season things calm down, we get ready for the winter, and then the cycle starts over.

So, what is your way to wind down, what is it that you like doing when you can afford some time for yourself?
I love reading. I also love the nights when I sit down with a view on the sea and the stars, sipping my husband’s wine – red, rosé, white, does not really matter. All of his wines are wonderful. Another great method for me to chill is meeting my friends. Changing the environment is essential for a balanced lifestyle in my opinion. Every time we meet, we try to go to a different village, a different bar or restaurant, or even to someone’s home who has food and drinks. 8-9 women, or even if just two, we always find a way to meet.

Yet planning is funny here; plans are extremely flexible. Unless it is a doctor’s appointment or a plane to catch, we are very generous and casual about time. In Ikaria time is definitely not the boss! We have a saying here: if we cannot fully finish what we plan, no problem, “that is why God gave us tomorrow.” Coming from the States, I really had to learn to adapt that principle in my life, but I think I am pretty good today. An example: when we decide to meet at, say, 8, it is safe to say we are still getting ready at 8:30, so we normally make it by 9. Ish. This is just how we are; nobody stresses out about being late for a friendly event.

I remember that lady from the Netflix show who did not have a watch and estimated time by looking at the sun, while getting ready for a party roasting fish on an outdoor fireplace!
Yes, that is pretty much us, Ikarian people!

It sounds like getting ready for the season is a stressful period for you. What else gives you anxiety, if anything?
Oh, yeah, I do have a few more. The most important one is if everything will be right by spring reservations. I hate mistakes, that is a big fear for me, making mistakes. Every year we make small improvements, change the menu a little bit, and everything has to be fine by the deadline. These are my basic stresses. In Ikaria however, you need to live for the moment. Other than the business-related perfectionism-induced fears the basic rule here is that if you can’t do something about it, leave it.

When you are having these emotions, fear or anxiety, what is the best way for you to release this kind of stress? What works the best for you?
A good swim in the sea always cools me down. Wine releases stress. Wine is always good. And another way that does wonders for me is just “being away.” Again, a change of scenery. I just walk to my husband’s farm – he is responsible for the vegetable and herb garden and the animals. I sit down, enjoying the quiet, some wine, the smells, the intoxicating ambience. Beautiful and highly relaxing. I can hear my thoughts which eventually fall in place from the jumble that makes me visit the farm in the first place. If you let your thoughts just be for 30-45 minutes, the answers you are seeking will come. Perfect.

That sounds so nice. I bet the whole point is not the specific scenery of the sea and the farm, but that we need to find our own recharging place where we can stop, rest, and let the answers come.
Everybody has some kind of stress, you cannot escape those. Problems won’t just go away. What you can do though is just stop. Wherever in the world you are. You will see it is worth it.

You know, I might have said it to every single Attagirl! so far but I do enjoy talking to you, Thea. Very relaxing and, you know, also promising. You are sharing such simple ways to cope with stress, we all can walk somewhere nice, or sit down in a public garden, enjoy plants, a good wine, some of us even the sea. These don’t sound like super magic tricks that couldn’t be done by everyone.
They don’t, indeed. The point is that we need to find a way to feel ourselves, what we need, and the answers come when we can stop and be quiet for a little while. That is my condensed version of the best practices or tricks that serve me well and I can whole-heartedly encourage everyone to give it a try. My life wisdom.

Now tell me about what makes you happy.
Happiness for me is definitely not about buying stuff. I am grateful for everything that I have. And I am optimistic about every day. I am happy that my kids are healthy, that I have a great family, that I am surrounded by great friends. Nothing is about money. I am happy for the quality things; those are what matter.

Totally agreeing here! So, a great family, great friendships, gatherings, super healthy, natural, seasonal food, good wine, lots of physical activity like walking, swimming, even gardening – these are the recipe for your fulfilled and happy life?
Those are truly a must. I’d also add our religion, which is a strong part of the culture here. We are orthodox Greek, and it is not only a religion but a means for social gatherings too. Yes, we go to church on Sundays, but we also meet for social services, like memorial services. Everyone knows everyone here, so we attend funerals together, there are a lot of holidays that we prepare for or spend together. These are very important for us. In general, we care so much about one another in the Ikaria community. The awareness that we can rely on each other and the times we share together I think is just as important as having healthy meals or a fulfilling occupation. Belonging means a lot to us.

Also, again, the relaxed way we exist here. Not being afraid of time. We put down tasks at the end of a busy day but we don’t have the kind of stress about unfinished to-dos like in other places of the world. We do not stress out about deadlines. Time here is not a source of pressure. Like I said, that is why God gave us tomorrow…

I can imagine living on an island can change a lot about the way we think in general. What are the pros and cons of living in Ikaria?
Let’s start with the cons, I feel that list is much shorter. Availability of services are naturally limited here. We have basic healthcare in Ikaria, but significant services are only available on the mainland. For example, cancer treatments or even childbirth require us to either use a ship, which takes seven hours, or a plane, which is a 45-minute-trip to get to Athens. Emergencies are not easy here for sure.

Education is a similar situation. Elementary and high schools are present in Ikaria but going for higher education means that kids have to travel to Athens, or abroad.

And restaurants on the island are closed in the winter. Not an essential factor but for us, people who like to gather, it is not ideal.

On the bright side though the island of Ikaria is a fantastic place to raise children. Safe communities for families with a non-existent crime rate. In today’s world that is very rare. Kids can play outside without being afraid, or us, parents being afraid to allow them to play outside. The air is clean, nature is within arm’s reach. Kids can grow up becoming familiar with and understanding the ways of Mother nature; learning about plants and animals, as well as traditional farming activities. There is a great dynamic of people here, so they get a very nice example of how to interact with and care for one another. To me all of that was a highly important factor when we decided to start our family in Ikaria instead of the States. We wanted our children to be part of this community, and today it feels like it was a great decision.

Every place to live probably has advantages and disadvantages, and Ikaria is no exception. I appreciate all that my life has taught me, that I could see the contrast between city and island life. I am happy I was crazy enough back then to follow my heart that drove me back to my roots. And I am even happier that I could share all that with my children. This life humbles everyone as it is not easy by any stretch, and it also gives you a clear vision to focus on the really important stuff. Like shifting emphasis from financial success onto valuing what we have and supporting one another as a community. I feel privileged for my life experience and that is what I wish for everyone: to be brave enough to follow their hearts. It can be hard but never wrong.

Thank you for the beautiful closing words, Thea. You are truly beautiful. I wish you so many more happy years in your dream life, in your dream environment.
I thank you, Kami, it was such a great opportunity to share all this with you and the readers.

If you want to find out more about Thea, please click on the links below.

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Dan Buettner - Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones

03 - Gabriella Racz

25 minutes reading

I am sitting here with my laptop wondering how to introduce her. What to write in this first paragraph. A whirlpool of memories are spinning in my head. I have known her since childhood, from my hometown Debrecen. We would draw horses together. We would spend study hall hours in the schoolyard leapfrogging and playing volleyball. We would continuously be in action: run, play Chinese jump rope, do anything, really, requiring movement. I always looked up to her. She was smart, excelled in Math – it was easy for her, we could say, her dad was a mathematician. But then my dad was a physicist, yet my grades at Physics or Math were not as good. Today I know that the difference was that neither one interested me. She loved Math though. She invested a lot into practicing. A lot of time into a lot of practicing. Her sculpted face, which face, let me tell you, has not changed a bit apart from a few lines of wisdom appearing now; bright, greyish-green eyes, perfect teeth, athletic, tall figure and her royal but never superior posture and manners gave her this special aura that made her stand out – to me for certain. I always felt she was different.  As a child I thought success was measured by importance and I was not sure where I might see her looking back at me from: the TV, a podium as a politician, the stage with a medal around her neck as an athlete, or the leader of an enterprise; I just knew this girl would be successful.

What neither one of us was aware of as schoolgirls was her desire for freedom that would break through everything in the life her parents had imagined for her. The unshakable desire for something different started emerging when the river of her thinking left behind its good old and expected bed and started a life of its own. When she started to see through learned reality and recognized real truth, which, again and again, brought her into situations unimaginable. Through which, however, she had the chance to find out who she really was. That was when her real life, her authentic, free life in maximum balance with her identity, truly began.

The March Attagirl! is Gabriella Racz, everyday hero, an absolutely self-made, complete woman; a lover of horses and free life. An elementary school classmate of mine, one of my most valuable, most genuine friends and the the only lifelong one. She heroically endured our three three-hour Viber-discussions after her never-ending, springtime horse-farmer days, which is summed up here for you now.

Created with love – read with delight.

Well, hello, Gabi. How are you doing?
Fine, thanks. We are cooking.

You are doing what? [I am in disbelief. Gabi Racz does not cook. Gabi Racz unwraps and heats up.]
We are cooking! We are making mackerels. [And she laughs while uttering the words. With the typical heartfelt, loud Gabi-laugh. In the same instant Viber chimes and there is the pic of the fish in the making. A beautiful pair of mackerels with lemon and compound butter. She is asking for a little more time so that they can finish and eat.]

Are you done?
Yeah, here I am.

Was it good?
It was.

You ready?
Ready, let’s kick it.

Alright. First of all, tell me what provided this schoolgirl in first – eighth B with the background for success, with perfect performances in studying, sports – and basically anything you decided to have a go at.
Well I was an only child, so my parents’ attention was not divided, they had time for me, and I had time for myself. My dad is a mathematician, and he spent a lot of time with me. From him, I derived the kind of logical thinking that has been an integral and organic part of my life to this very day. We had endless discussions, played a lot of cards, did math together, and the need for understanding problems and happenings in the world just got cemented into me. And from my mom, besides a great love of animals, I inherited the kind of extremely practical way of thinking that she applied when approaching any issue. The way she always solved problems standing on the ground with both feet.

My performance was also due to the strictness they raised me with, a 4 was not acceptable. [The best grade is 5, the worst one is 1 in the Hungarian school system.] From their acceptance of nothing less than the best comes the kind of maximalism that raises the bar for me no matter what I do. At the same time, though, some kind of inhibition started to develop in me, too, which kept me “in my place” securely, not letting me grow wings and fly. It resulted in extreme self-control and led me to question my abilities in new situations.

Well, Gabi, I never thought that you weren’t confident. I never sensed any over-confidence about you either, but it not once occurred that you had such inner conflict.
To tell the truth, I did not know it consciously either. I just accepted my parents’ directions without hesitation. If I had to be an eminent student, so be it. If coming up with ideas was said not to be my strong suit, then I did not force coming up with them. I was bringing the expected results, I was a good kid, I did not argue, and I was fully convinced my parents had my best interest in mind with all they said and did.

I went to the high school they chose for me and I made my decision about studying economics at the university because I fully agreed that I needed a career that was based on logic over studying a couple subjects in the BA/MS system. I just had no doubt they were right. In elementary school I was still confident and calm. But then, as a result of external input and parental rigor, self-doubting became a thing. In high school I was already feeling that something was off. Studying did not interest me as much and my grades got worse. I remember, not so long ago I came across a little note sent to my parents by my high school math teacher. It said something like she could be much more confident with her capability. I was shocked when reading it as an adult. My teacher had noticed even back then what I figured out only later as a result of contradicting experiences.

How did things shape up for you after high school?
I stayed in Debrecen and went to the university to study economics. Those were the best days of my life. I enjoyed being a student in Debrecen. I loved school, I loved my study team. That was when I met my first love with whom I spent seven years together. He was the one I moved to Budapest with later. I started to work during university, at Citi Bank in Debrecen, then, in Budapest, at Warner Lambert, Budapest Bank, Stollwerck and MOL. Long years full of mixed experiences that gave me a lot to think about and which played an essential role in my decision against a traditional, big firm environment. I felt I did not fit in. I had a different scheme of thinking, I spoke a different language.

Tell me more about this.
I grew up thinking my parents’ statements were categorical, and I took over that mentality myself. That was how I approached everything. Then, the more I saw of the world, the more I realized that my parents’ opinion was not the only proper one; that one problem could have multiple solutions. I caught myself on more and more occasions being taken by surprise by people’s feedback on issues that could have been solved in a multitude of ways, when previously I only saw one. And those occasions just added to feeling that I was less and less, and my childhood confidence completely evaporated. I started to position myself below others. I questioned my every value I had considered stable, and I figured I was not enough. Even if my results were excellent, I did not feel the kind of trust from my superiors that I was anticipating. I felt that my coworkers with much worse performance were succeeding more. This feeling haunted my life for a very long time, creeping up at each single workplace of mine and without going into the details, it is safe to say that apart from a few companies I worked for which shut down, my workplaces terminated my employment.

I guess this had an impact on your relationships, too.
It did indeed! My first, long relationship was stable and safe, I felt like I was in a love membrane. But our paths stopped crossing one another’s and time brought it to an end. We said our goodbyes in peace, there was no door slamming or arguments, we both knew there was nothing left for a relationship. And with that a series of relationship failures began. Most of my relationships either did not even start because by the time I said yes, the potential partner stepped back, or even if it started, there was no connection established on which anything serious could have been built. I did not understand what was derailing my connections and after a time I did not believe I was loveable. I created situations in which I anticipated hearing and seeing my partner’s validation as proof that he loved me. The constant churn of my own thoughts sometimes made even me go crazy. Of course, all this only led to the overwhelming feeling: I could not be loved. I was not good enough. I was not enough.

There was one relationship, however, which made me realize what I had been doing wrong all those years. It made me understand that a connection between a man and a woman needed to rest on a completely different base than what I’d had in mind. That the way the kind of distrust I faced with my superiors at my workplaces was not working there, and it wouldn’t work in my relationships either. Looking back, I am grateful for the teachings of every man I’ve had in my life, I have learned a lot about myself, my role in a relationship and today I approach my emotional life consciously. I am happy. I am really complete and happy in my current relationship of almost three years.

It is clear that the road to where you are today was not an easy one. From how you appear now, I wouldn’t have suspected this tough journey though. What gave you comfort, support, what made you hold on all this time?
There have been a few constants in my life that were present in the good and the bad. One of those is horses. I am not sure where loving horses this much came from, I am not sure why I had a fascination with horses instead of dogs or cats like the majority of children. The family anecdote is about me asking to ride a horse for Children’s Day when I was just three years old. The anecdote doesn’t really say if I actually got to ride one, though it is safe to say that ever since I can remember, horses have been an organic part of my life.

My mom’s parents lived in Merk, a village 80 kms away from Debrecen, where I spent my summers. These summers kept me going from September to June. While I was only drawing horses during school season, in the summer I went to visit them in the meadow every single day. I hopped on my bike in secret and rode to where the horses of the local co-op grazed, spending hours watching them. They let me get closer and closer day by day, they trusted me. Also, I went riding three times a week with my cousin, where I learned the basics and I loved it so much. These summers in Merk were essential for me. Village life, its pulse, its dynamics became my element and as a child I knew I wanted to lead a village life with horses when I grew up.

When I was ten, my mom took me to Pallag, in the outskirts of Debrecen, to a serious equestrian place. I remember it was an Isabella [pale Palomino] color horse they gave me to test my abilities and the verdict came: the kid is good, she can join. That was when my mom got anxious. She questioned how I would get to Pallag for the courses as I could not take the bus there alone. And these were serious, large horses, I might break myself to pieces. Equestrian sports are dangerous, and I was too small she reckoned. So, she decided to enroll me in volleyball instead.

Oh, I remember your volleyball career. Now I know how it came to your life.
Well, that’s how. Volleyball was my second big love during childhood. I played well, I had a great team with a great coach. A new life started for me, with new possibilities. We travelled to compete, we performed well, I spent my summers with the girls by the public pool. Riding horses was put on the backburner till I turned fourteen, when it completely disappeared. I continued playing volleyball in high school and university, I was on the NC2 Biogal team as well as the university’s team. My fourteen-year volleyball era ended when I moved to Budapest. I could have signed on to a new team there, but I had no desire to get used to a new one, get to know new girls, or adapt to new dynamics – so I let volleyball go. I still needed activity badly, so temporarily I ended up doing aerobics by Western Railway Station – only to end up with horses again.

How many years did you miss out on riding?
If my calculation is correct, twelve. Now, I met this old bank coworker one day who accidentally mentioned a possibility to ride. I took my chance and after a few sessions I consciously decided to restart from the basics. I looked for one-on-one courses. I tested multiple places and multiple trainers, spending time at multiple equestrian centers. But no matter where I was, I could not see their vision. The structure of the training was unclear. Instead of systematic construction the sessions seemed random. I did not feel any improvement and was missing the system from the training. Again, my logical brain was demanding understanding. By then, when I was 30, I had purchased Baro [Baron], my first horse. A young, raw one, while I by no means considered myself an advanced rider – not a good combo. But I had the chance to work with him and we were in such harmony that I realized he was the one that I needed.

Years passed and I felt the need to obtain a riding trainer certification at HUSS [Hungarian University of Sports Science]. I had this deep desire to know more about horses, riders and the ideal harmony between them. From then on things sped up. I had ridden in English style all my life and now I was introduced to the Western riding style in the course of my studies. That was a completely new experience I had never had before. For example, I sat on my first Western-trained horse which started backing up and I had no clue what I had done to make him do so. I admired the freedom Western-style horses had with the long reins, and so many more small things that were new to me. I craved learning and all I felt was that something good and exciting had just started.

Baro was my partner in crime, together we created a riding style where horse and rider worked together in gentle, light harmony without stress and forced postures, a kind of mix of Western and English styles. We worked together 1,5-2 hours a day, six days out of seven, crystallizing the method in each single gait. My trainer career started thanks to an accident again, when the manager of the riding center I was at with Baro asked me to jump in as a trainer as they had none available when a rider arrived. Well, that very rider stuck with me and was followed by others with whom I could test and further massage my method. In the meantime, I got my second horse, Cobalt. All of a sudden, I was a full-time trainer with ten riders who fully provided me with the same income I had gotten from office work – without the numerous paralyzing emotions, toxic environment, and destructive competition.

Today when I do training, it is fully for the passion of it. It is my personal mission for my riders to learn to sit and feel the horse stably, and to be able to move together with them with pleasure. Sixty minutes of breathing and pulsing together with nature is what I give my trainees.

It is so good to hear all this. To listen to your enthusiasm, it is such a pleasure, really. In the years when you had no classical office job, how were you getting on?
In all honesty I was an opportunist, a freelancer grabbing every chance that bumped into me. I always had a deep interest in financial solutions, so I dipped my toes into this and that to make ends meet. Natural healing was another interest of mine, and I gave myself a chance in real estate, too. I liked it but after a time it stopped engaging me. I had an ocean of time, so I researched, read, learned a lot, consumed a lot of self-help. Most of the time I had a financial safety-net, there was only a brief period when a small panic took over me when things temporarily seemed off track. I had studied astrology by then, again I was trying to find some logic-based help and I ended up there. I used it mostly for my own purposes, to understand my life’s events, with success, more or less. I am not lying, that was the time that made me anxious about my finances, I literally was praying to the higher powers for not having to sell my horses. I was listening to many Abraham Hicks recordings and there were thoughts there that deeply stuck with me and helped me through the hardest times. One of them was “If something is not a hell yes, then it is a no.” Or not to do anything until we are aligned with our source. And I believed that there was always tomorrow. And there was. Things started to make sense; solutions came. In the form of an inheritance, luck stroke too. The sun started shining over my head.

A lot of self-help, research in the name of the desire to understand, two horses, a bit of luck – what came next?
That is where my fairy tale begins, with another “accident”. A spontaneous weekend excursion to Lake Bank, waiting for my pancakes at the local buffet, brought me to meet my partner. For almost three years now we have lived in perfect harmony, belying my complete relationship history. He lived in such a mesmerizing area in a small village in Nograd [a county in Hungary] that I decided to utilize my inheritance to buy a little farm right there, where we live together today, with his fox terrier and cats and the horses.

We have been renovating the small house on the farm which is my personal passion and pride. The farm came with established horse stalls, which I have exciting plans for, too. The really shocking part to me is that I now garden and cook. Yes, the Gabi that found making an omelet a hardcore challenge now cooks, almost every day! I still thrive in research mode; I learn a lot about plants and ideal planting circumstances online. My partner, Peti, and I religiously watch Chef of Chefs every night, this is our evening program, we started to revisit from part one. From this, and many other inspirations, come the ideas for our culinary experiments in our own kitchen. We make all kinds of meals together, it is real quality time for us and we strive to use healthy, natural ingredients, the majority of which come from our own garden. Fellow villagers here are very nice and cooperative, they provide us with eggs, meat and bread in exchange for stuff that we can provide them with.

This is my dream life. When I think back to the painful, hopeless days of my pathfinding process of my earlier life, I am happy to realize that I have arrived home. I have the relationship I always wanted, the horses of my childhood dreams and the village life I daydreamed about in my apartment on Kiraly Street not so long ago. It is unbelievable, but I know it is true. It makes me happy to be able to do what I like, and the freedom derived from it. To exist like this.

How would you summarize what you have learned on this colorful journey of yours? What are your thoughts for those who are struggling on their own hamster wheels, like you were, while feeling deep inside that they are not where they want to be?
I definitely encourage them to stop that hamster wheel. Don’t struggle when you are faced with an obstacle. A stop sign is not there to hinder, it is there to help. Do not be angry with it, be happy about it. Fighting the wrong target only wastes energy. Do not force finding a solution if it is not in view right away. Wait a little and it will come when you are not expecting it. Decisions that are made in anxiety or anger, in an unbalanced state, will not be the right ones, they will only make things worse. So, calm down and give yourself time. As Hicks would say, “pet your cat.” Which means, distract yourself from your actual problem and let your head clear. The rest will come. You will recognize the arrival of an inspiring thought and when that happens, go for it without fear even if it appears to be irrational and foolish. So just grab that cat and keep petting it…

Gabi, it was so good to have this convo with you. It is great to see that you have arrived. You radiate, happy with life, and you live it full throttle. Your journey is a real success story revealing everything Attagirl! represents. Facing ourselves, identifying what nurtures us and what we need to get rid of to give ourselves a chance to have the life that makes us truly, genuinely happy. Thank you for sharing your journey. I wish you many-many happy years for everything you have fought for and you have established for yourself.
You’re very welcome, Kamka, I thank you for the chance to share my experience. The way I have succeeded, anyone can. The point is to be honest with ourselves, loyal and kind. Through abandoning any path that is not actually ours and waiting for our own path to arrive under our feet. Sometimes it is freaky and risky but if we don’t get scared and keep going, we will arrive home. And there is no better feeling than arriving home.

Gabi has no links to share so if you would like to find out more about her and her life, please feel free to contact me.

02 - Gabriella Chamorro Carlsson

23 minutes reading

I love cooking. Asian, Italian, Hungarian meals and basically anything from any recipe. When I first was thinking about starting a business, I wanted to open my own healthy-choice diner. I am devoted to eating clean and possibly organic and I am even more devoted to growing my own produce. My garden in Iowa is full of peppers and tomatoes of crazy shapes, colors and flavors; cucumbers, cantaloupes and zucchinis; goji and various other berries. I am a huge fan of tropical plants and strive to get my frangipanis, which I started from seeds three years ago, to flower. I sprout pineapple, kiwi, citrus or pomegranate seeds and turn them into plants.

So, when I saw my next interview subject and her husband on TV, literally residing in the cloud forest on the highest mountain of Panama, with flora nurtured by the mists coming from the Caribbean, and operating their business, a beyond-imagination magical restaurant right there, I could not help but feel a little envious. Full honesty here. Amazed too. And happy for their success, suspecting that it has come amidst a lot of struggles, numerous dead-ends taking them back to square one multiple times. Amidst worries and anxiety – but also smart and conscious planning, a lot of creativity and resourcefulness, and as the result of the determination to not give up. It must be their heart, I reckoned, that keeps the dream alive; and holding on has paid off, big time.

If you have seen Kristen Kish’s signature show Restaurants at the End of the World, you know who Gabriella Carlsson is. The co-dreamer, co-maker-come-true; co-owner and co-chef to Hacienda Mamecillo. This little miracle is on one of the most unique locations in the world, hosting guests for a full Mamecillo-experience, dining included. I feel fortunate to be given a look into her extraordinary journey and to find out intimate details of her phenomenal life, the result of bravery and instincts – and a little luck. The interviews with this extremely humble, calm and soft-spoken woman were held in the beginning of February as she and her husband were busy preparing for the Panamanian Carnival Holidays rush. The essence is here for you now. Created with love – read with delight.

Gabi, tell me who Gabriella Carlsson, little girl, schoolgirl, young adult is. Where did your story begin?
I grew up in Lomma, Sweden, a smalltown in the outskirts of Malmö, with my parents and two siblings. I went to the local elementary school and took my high school studies in Malmö. My grandparents were farmers and nature lovers and so were my parents. It was in my genes to fall in love with nature early in my life; a love that has not stopped ever since.

Back then I really had no clue of what I wanted to become as an adult. I just lived the life of an average kid of down-to-earth parents, who were not pushing me into any direction but made me feel assured that no matter what I chose, they would one hundred percent have my back. Years passed and I happened to choose my mom’s profession, osteopathy. That is when I made my first serious decision and moved to England. English osteopathy education was known as highly rated, and I wanted to practice my English too, so the die was cast.

What happened next?
After my education I worked in England for a year and then jumped on an opportunity in the Caribbean, in Antigua. There I spent a season as an osteopath at a local facility. When my contract expired, I decided not to go back to my home country of Sweden just yet, as I wanted to explore different places. I remembered I had received an e-mail, while still in school, from Panama with an opportunity. I looked for that e-mail and contacted the Panamanian sender. Two months later I was en route to Panama…

Sounds like quite an adventure!
Yeah, and it is not over yet. Some time into my stay in Panama I met a man at a barbecue party who would become my husband. We started out as friends but after three months everything started to speed up. We became a couple and not much later we found we were really meant for each other. It was the right time, in the right place. We both wanted to go on to the next chapter, ready to really join forces and establish a family. We waited for half a year, planning in the meantime, looking for land in Panama, the country we imagined our life together in.

It took us 3-4 months to find the land we live on now. We stepped on it the first time and knew immediately we were home, even if it only had a small wood cabin on it at the time. Our daughter, Isabella was on the way when we started to build our home ourselves, designed by an architect friend. That was over 11 years ago now.

Rolando & Gabriella

Living in a cloud forest on the top of a mountain must be challenging, to say the least. How do you overcome the problems that occur up there?
Well one of the most important things is to learn respect and roll with nature. You cannot really make any changes about it; you can only adapt. Rain and humidity are the factors here that can give you the biggest frustration if you do not learn how to adapt. In the worst months (September-October, sometimes November) and then in the rainy season starting in April-May, we have to keep everything in a plastic bag, pantry items as well as even clothes.

You need to take weather and nature characteristics into account to minimize surprises. We are much better at that than in the beginning as a result of experience. If I had to give a ratio of nature difficulties affecting our lifestyle, I would say it does about 30% of the time. But we have learned how to handle those events. In addition, you cannot hang on to the losses (like when the wind blows away your greenhouse four times in a row), you cannot do anything about it. You need to put these bad things behind you and go on with your life. We also noticed the summer seasons are drier and drier year by year. It surely will have an impact on our coffee plants at some point in time, so we are getting ready for a different variant that nature will develop as a response.

Another thing that helps us stay focused when issues happen is the way my husband Rolando and I complete each other. No matter what differences we have – and rest assured, we have a few – we put high emphasis on communication. And we also have the same goals, the same vision, the same taste. We blend together. This keeps us going and facing everything together, no matter what circumstances come up.

The Chamorro Coffee

Tell me more about that completion of each other. Sounds like a bunch of best practices are going to be shared in a minute!
Well, a Swedish girl married a Panamanian guy, you can guess. For me it is hard to stop or just sit down. I am a checklist-kind of person, he is not as organized. But we still can get the results we want. Normally I put the checklist together and he helps with the tasks. Over the years I have become more tolerant. Now I can let things go when Rolando does not feel like doing something right away. There is always tomorrow.

One big burden he takes off of my shoulders is doing the shopping. I am so grateful for that. For shopping we need to go to the nearest smalltown, Boquete, which is seven kilometers away. The first half of the road is earth, which is not fun in the rainy season, the second part is curvy. Once in the town he runs all the errands, which I hate doing. In exchange I do everything around the house and with the children. Everything but the dishes – that is shared joy. And Rolando cooks, he loves cooking. Also, the coffee plantation is his responsibility. Sharing the obligations in a way we both are happy with is essential and we are fortunate we could reach a consensus that fits our personalities with no major compromises needed.

How do you make an important decision? One would think with this difference in personalities it is impossible.
Not at all. First of all, the big picture is the same for the both of us. We have the same goals. This is essential. Rolando is the one to come up with the ideas, I am the one who needs to take time to think about them. First, he just mentions something, that’s his tactic; he sows the seed in my mind. And then I can start thinking. Later we sit down, comfortably, with a glass of wine, relax and negotiate about the details. Then I need time to process the decisions, but in the meantime, things just start coming along.

A good example that happened not long ago, is when Rolando hinted that we should offer lodging for our guests and have a few cabins. A big picture we both saw in our future. We agreed to have four of them. Some time passed and all of a sudden, he broke the news he had bookings for the cabins for January. While we still did not have any. Well, that is how things happen here. He just mentioned how cool it would be to have a little plane and fly guests in…

Do you guys ever fight?
Fight? As in yelling and slamming doors? No, never. Of course, we sometimes get annoyed or irritated. But for me the key is communication and instead of wasting time on hurt feelings, I try to resolve the issues and move on. I have made it a habit to express what makes me frustrated. Sometimes it is a result of misunderstanding. Sometimes I might have expressed myself in the wrong way. Annoyance goes away after a time. As long as I feel appreciated or get a thank you, which Rolando never misses to express, everything is alright. We always show appreciation to each other for the chores we help with, which is very important for keeping the peace.

What has been your riskiest decision so far?
In all honesty, everything has come into our life gradually. When we stick to what we believe in, keep our goals in mind, and we don’t give up (like during Covid), then we get one step closer to the next level and no decision feels risky.

Let’s talk a little about the business itself. When I saw the show on TV, I had so many questions. As a person who hasn’t given up on her own restaurant business idea yet, I want to know about everything: ingredients, alcohol, competition, all that stuff. Tell me Hacienda Mamecillo’s story.
Well, Rolando always wanted a restaurant. He had been in the hospitality business before, organizing hiking and kayaking trips, and working as a pilot.

Mamecillo is a local oak-type of tree that has various beautiful colors. We chose the name for our place to imply the diversity of nature and our offers to our guests. Rolando designed the logo for the farm and created our sign himself.

We started with coffee plantation tours on our land and offered buffet food outside the house, over nine years ago. Then things started to gradually evolve. First, we figured it would be more personal if we served the food ourselves. Then we started to put more emphasis on meal presentation and offering cooked meals.

Haciends Mamecillo

We are a service provider approved by the Panama Tourism Authority in the agrotourism category. What we offer is so much different than any other restaurant. We don’t even call it a restaurant. It is a place that provides guests with a full experience: a hiking tour, storytelling, and of course a nice, seven-course meal with wine. The program starts at 9 a.m. and it finishes at 3 p.m. officially. But, if anyone is only interested in having a meal, not the tour, they have the option to dine only. The dining experience begins at 6 p.m. And when the weather does not allow the morning hiking tour, we have a plan B for an indoors activity.

We operate on a reservation basis, collecting detailed information of our guests’ dining needs; allergies and dietary preferences. Once we know everything, we create the plan for the meal courses. We like to pay attention to every little detail that might make the Mamecillo-experience the best for our visitors, their happiness is our fuel. The best feedback about our passionate work is how often guests don’t want to leave. We have guests who return multiple times and when that happens, we try to offer them a different menu than what they had the last time, always making it as special as we can.

The experience we provide is unique; thus, we do not really have any competition. We grow our own ingredients and use nature’s produce too. Our menus are based on what is seasonally available. Whatever we cannot grow on the farm, like wine, is available in the neighboring towns. Neither of us are certified chefs, our skills came with a lot of practice, and our meals come from experimentation. Rolando keeps an eye on a few chefs we like on social media to get some inspiration, then we try ideas and that is how we develop our recipes.

Beautiful meals at Hacienda Mamecillp

You guys are amazing. But it sounds like an insane lot of work. How do you fit everything in 24 hours?
Well, we normally start preparing at 5 a.m. When it is a large group of guests, we use the help of friends for doing the dishes and serving. Also, we try to prepare what we can – peeling, slicing, dicing – the previous night. In general, we like to do everything from scratch in the morning, though; freshness is a must. And when we have no dining guests on a night, we can go to bed early.

Do you ever think of leaving all of it for an easier life? Do you miss city life?
You know, I think this is the best place to live. True, there are many challenges. But if an issue arises, you can always work around it. Also, we do not have neighbors, which is good – and bad. If we did not have the visitors coming, we would feel really isolated. But they come, so it is good. Balanced.

During the pandemic life was really isolated. And in Panama the lockdown was very serious. It lasted for eight months and you had only two hours a day to leave your home and do your shopping. There was no work, and no future vision, nobody knew what was going to happen. That was the only time we thought about selling the farm. We had no answer though to the question of what we would do if we sold it…

Living here you need to stay open, as you never know what will happen. We have had to sacrifice a few things. For one, spontaneity is gone. We live by the schedule of our business. We can’t decide to do this or that just on a whim, we need to plan in advance. Leaving the farm behind requires a lot of preparation so spontaneity is really out of the question. And then, I mentioned that before, sleep time. It is much less than it used to be before farm life. Also, social activities. And even if there is anything, like a course for the kids, it requires so many logistics just to get there for a 2-hour activity that it is not ideal. If I think of what might be missing from my life today though, I would say nothing really. So many things have changed. Yet, things need to change for personal growth.

You really gave up important elements of your old life. It does not seem like you regret that though. What are the best things of your current lifestyle?
Number one would be the closeness to nature. The second one would be the freedom of space, not having any neighbors. The third best thing is the healthy lifestyle we have here. The disguised exercising you do every day, all that walking and gardening. And the produce you grow for yourself. Also, one more thing, the most important one; reconsidering, this is definitely the number one: we are together, all the time. We are involved in this lifestyle, we are all part of it, even the children. We work together for the same goal, and so we spend time together all day, not only in the evenings when we are tired and snappy after a hard day. We are lucky to have this life. We do not work for a boss; we work for ourselves. It is very nice to be able to do that.

And the worst things about your current lifestyle?
Haha, the rainy season and the humidity in that season, for sure. The remoteness when doing chores comes in second. The third one is definitely the distance from my family. I do not see them as frequently as I would like. My parents are amazing, our biggest fans. I just wish somehow, other than online, we could be around each other more.

If you encountered that mythical goldfish that makes your three wishes come true, what would you wish?
The very first one would be to see my family any time I want. That would be really cool. My second wish would be for people to be more aware of how to preserve nature and learn how to give back to it after utilization. How to treat, for example, fungi and use pesticides in a nature-friendly way. We support the native tree nursery movement, creating local trees from seed and selling them to people who need trees on their farms. And the third one would be to be able to stay healthy. Without health there is nothing. I really think nature is a healer, which is one reason why I am glad I can live in the middle of it.

Living within nature, what animals do you have around?
There is this bird, the Quetzal, which is the symbol of Guatemala, and we are excited when we spot one. Then there are the White-faced Capuchin monkeys which take our crops, yet we support them as we are taking part in a project to keep their number growing. Sometimes we meet some spiders, non-venomous tarantulas on our walls, now that is not so neat. Also, certain snakes that we see during coffee harvest or hiking can be venomous, but we know how to be careful and how to not disturb them and we do so. Also, we find signs of coatis, sloths, tapers and pumas – they all live around us but we don’t bump into them almost at all.

abi, what do you consider your biggest success in life?
Definitely my kids. They are amazing kids and we are really proud of them. They think about taking over our business one day. I try to make it easy on them saying they do not need to make a decision just yet. In a few years they might want to look around the world. I won’t be their most beloved person in their lives forever (right now they cannot even imagine that though) and it will be alright. Whatever they want to do, we want them to know that they will have our full support.

Nice! Is there anything you fear?
Well, that something: an illness, an accident, something bad will happen to any of my loved ones. I am worried about that but try not to get carried away or think of it too much. Thinking too much takes away time and energy. It is good to feel these things, but it is a mistake to dwell on them for too long. You need to move on.

What are the good feelings that characterize your life?
I usually feel happy. Loved. I feel the love around me. I feel secure where I am in life.

And the bad ones?
Isolation. Disconnectedness from people. Sometimes I feel unmotivated – when I see the dishes piling up at the end of a day. Longing, as a result of being too far from my family.

Hacienda Mamecillo

It is clear you have a lot on your mind and a lot of things to do every day. Do you ever have time to relax? What do you do to gain some energy back?
I know it sounds crazy because it is actually a physical activity, but I love hiking. That is how I get my mental energy back. I like to be outside, even working outside is much different than standing in the kitchen all day. Like fixing the goat fence. Another thing is woodwork. Building furniture. Like kitchen cabinets, bedside tables. Rolando and I made all of our furniture, we like doing stuff like that. Establishing a proper workshop where we can store our tools permanently is among our plans.

Gabi, I could have this discussion with you till the end of time, but I know your time is limited. So, last but not least, do you have any sage advice for our readers?
Well, try not to think too much about the past or future. Try to live in the moment, appreciate the moment, don’t get lost too much in planning. To me it is the key to happiness. Appreciate the day. Make the most out of it. Of course, you still need a plan, a focus – but if you have too much of it, you’ll forget to be in the moment. Life is never perfect, issues always come up, you must be able to balance everything. Just stay in the moment.

Also, from time to time, change your scenery. Sometimes you need to leave your everyday scenery to be able to appreciate what you have.

Gabi, I wish you much-much joy and happiness in Hacienda Mamecillo. Keep up the great work, what you guys do is a wonder and a huge value-add to today’s world. Keep educating people about nature, balance, love, and appreciation through your Mamecillo-experience; the hikes, the stories, and the beautiful soulful meals you offer. It was a pleasure to have these few hours with you, thank you so much.
Thank you, Kami.

If you want to find out more about Gabi, please click on the links below.

Instagram 1
Instagram 2
Website
E-mail
Kristen Kish - Restaurants at the End of the World

01 - Reka Turoczi

25 minutes reading

If you are a hobby runner in Hungary, you can’t not know who she is. Whichever race she runs, you’ll recognize her. Sea mist, metallic blue, kiwi green, magenta, bold orange, neon yellow – an easy-to-spot-from-a-distance vision, thanks to her unmatched sports gears. With fluffy earmuffs harmonizing with her clothes on cold days. With a huge smile on. With effortless gallops. I first laid eyes on her in person at the season-opening Balaton Super Marathon in 2012 and have been following her life story on social media ever since. She is a continuous inspiration.

Ethereal, graceful, beautiful, a dark mass of hair floating behind her. Tamas Naray’s model-discovery. Mom of three, with three degrees, triathlete. Coach, influencer, brand ambassador. Confident, determined, successful. She is Reka “iRUNmom” Turoczi, as we know her. A household name in Hungary, for one reason or another.

What we usually fail to consider when it comes to her, who has it all by the look, is how immense sacrifices and what great courage her kind of lifestyle needs. Being exposed to the public regardless of your inner feelings, while navigating motherhood and pursuing complex sports. Dreaming big and squaring up to make it come true. It needs an enormous dose of bravery. It requires consciousness, planning, persistence, diligence and discipline, without which, regardless of the raw talent you were born with, success will stay away.  

That was the angle of my many conversations with Reka all through the month of January, the summary of which is shared here with you now. Created with love - read with delight.

Reka, have you ever thought of yourself as a brave woman? Do you think you are courageous?
It has happened, yes. I do not consider myself continuously brave, those thoughts usually come when I make a hard decision or when I think back of such decisions.

If you flash back on your life, what were the events in which you needed all your courage? When, like you have just said, you made a bold decision and even hesitated but persisted and finally achieved your desire?
My first brave act, as far as I can remember, came towards the end of my elementary school studies. My plan was to move to the capital. I had been dreaming about this for quite some time and I knew it would present multiple challenges. One in which life without my family would not be easy. Yet I was sticking to it. Finally, I was able to start my high school studies in a bilingual grammar school, Xantus, and studied every subject in German. The unknown, the newness made me uneasy in the beginning, but I was so proud.

Another decision, this time without pride, was letting my marriage go. I knew my choice would not be popular. I was fully aware that I would make loved ones sad beyond words but I also knew that the marriage was over. For me it was unacceptable to keep acting like it was not the case instead of facing the fact, getting my act together and owning up to my feelings. It was clear that life as I had known was over and the new life was not going to be easy in either financial, or logistical terms, not to mention the emotional damage. Yet I knew this was the right thing and the only thing for me to do. My self-talk in weak moments was that this way we all had the chance for fuller, more honest lives – and that is what happened. We both started with a clean slate and kept a healthy, good-spirited relationship and today we communicate regularly, of course, mainly because of the kids – and it’s all good.

A third one, my watershed decision, and I am happy that I had the strength to hold on to it, is related to sports. Looking back I am glad that I was strong enough to persist and apply any necessary pressure to the “opposition”. That I was able to make them accept that I needed this and sports were the thing I intended to invest time, energy and money into in the future. It changed everything in my life. It led me to become who I am today. Definitely my bravest, most impactful decision.

Needless to say, like everyone else, I had circumstances that I had no impact on, so I just had to overcome my fears, accept the situation, stand up and move on. Like a few of my break-ups – but the hardest of all was the passing of my Mom. I know that most of us will have to face this situation sooner or later. It came to me sooner and it was really hard, first of all the fact that she passed away, but also the way she passed. I am not sure if there will ever come a day when I can think of this without tears.

Speaking of tears, how often do they come?
When I am truly sad, it is hard for me to fight them. It is enough if someone shows kindness or listens to me with attention and my tears are already falling. In those moments I feel vulnerable, and kindness somehow moves me. I am an emotional woman and I never try to hide my unbridled happiness, nor my deep sorrow. In joy I smile wildly and laugh boisterously, and in my sadness I, well yeah, cry.

Reka in Action

You mentioned fear previously. You have any? What are they tied to? What is your way to overcome them?
Of course I have fears. As an athlete my biggest fear is injury. And the slow regeneration after an injury. This can mean a serious setback in any race preparation. A dread of mine, something I have burnt myself with already, is downhill cycling. Since my first bad fall in 2016 I have been overly cautious and I do not even care about others passing me downhill, I am saying to myself, it is not worth it, you just go, see you uphill, buddy. And I usually do pass them back.

Then, since my Mom’s death predisposition to cancer is something that gives me serious anxiety when I am thinking of it. My mind knows, and this is what I am trying to convince myself with in those moments, that I have done everything in my power to prevent it. However, sometimes that little devil of doubt just grabs space in my mind and then it is pretty hard to calm myself down. I need to control myself when it happens, and say my little mantras, and that helps. I like taking a dim-lit, hot bath, popping in my favorite compilation of slow melodies and trying to relax. By the way this is how I switch off and relax after a hard day, too.

I dared to say in the intro that you were confident. You do look confident from the outside, with everlasting smiles and heartfelt laughs on your social media – what about your inner fights and what do you usually fight yourself about?
I do consider myself a confident person naturally, I am aware of my values as well as my imperfections and I strive to manage them both. However, like everyone, at times I am insecure. Then I wonder whether I am too strong. Too independent. Too selfish. Too much of an exhibitionist. Too much. If I am compromising enough. I spend time analyzing the situation that has led me to those thoughts and try to focus on the takeaway, which I try to remember later. Sometimes I soothe myself with my favorite song, SIA’s Bird Set Free, and am just letting myself feel, live, which helps me process and carry on.

Negative commenters. They are always hounding the beautiful and/or successful. How hard do you find it to manage them, do they ever bring you down?
Yeah, they are there. I am lucky not to have many of them, but they are definitely there. I have no issue with criticism. I truly believe in the importance of constructive criticism. However, constructive criticism arrives mostly in a private way, avoiding publicity, and is usually presented in kind language. I take my time to think about it and I find it useful even if I do not agree. I give thoughts to the criticism arriving publicly and with hurtful words or intention, too. My approach is that there might be a learning even if disguised with ill-willed words, but to be honest, those opinions find me much harder. I try to respond to all of them, even the ones written in a humiliating way, my weapon is kindness. I have figured that kindness disarms hurters who lose interest in hurting after a time, so it is worth applying. That is something I learned pretty early, as a child, and I find still valid, it works without error.

How early? What was it you were bullied with as a child?
Look, my skin tone is a tad darker than the average, so I inevitably was called gypsy at school all the time. Of course, it felt bad back then. That is when I learned kindness was a great tool to manage those situations. Today I look at it through different eyes and, by the way, Szaffi has always been one of my favorite animations, so much so that I named my black cat Szaffi as an adult…

Are you a planner? Do you have any resolutions, goals set on New Year’s Eve?
Absolutely. Not necessarily on New Year’s Eve or any other special day, but I do have goals for a new year, shorter-longer distance ones. I believe that if we want to achieve anything, it is not reasonable to wait till Day X, it is best to begin it and start developing the supporting mindset right away. At least that is how it works for me; it is a question of attitude.

What are the plans that you want to fulfil or start fulfilling in 2024?
I am starting my preparation for the 2025 IronMan World Championship. I would love to get to Kona in 2027 the latest, the decision is injury dependent. Another goal for the year is to build my Pilates clientele. Pilates is the latest one in my line of sports, and I think it can support the strength of any endurance athlete most efficiently. That is what I wish to promote, and it is a crucial goal of mine for the year. Finally, another plan for 2024 of equal priority: improving my spiritual-mental strength. Last year was a testing one from every angle and I feel I lost focus a little bit. This year I’m getting back my mojo and will fortify it, I reckon that my family, my wider environment, my coworkers, my coachees as well as my athletic results will profit from that equally.

Reka in Action

How do you plan to make the first steps towards those goals?
Regarding the IronMan WC, training needs to start in a gradual, systematic way, with constant monitoring of my performance. I have not recovered from my last injury completely, so progress needs to be achieved in a smart way. I will start the work with my good old coach again, and we will also decide together which the best Kona-qualification race for me would be for the beginning of 2025. Multiple factors will be considered here, the final choice will be preceded by serious research work. We will need to find the very IM race that ensures me the best chance to qualify for Kona. I will return to speedwork, too, which mostly means course work; I will train with the Team of Experience Couriers (Elmenyfutarok) of District 3 in Budapest. I used to love training with those guys, and I am certain that it won’t be any different now.

My first steps towards my Pilates plans will be holding trainings for beginners while finishing my third module of my Pilates coach course. Both are anticipated around the end of summer, and then, in Q4, I would like to start holding my training tailored uniquely for athletes and working with a strong clientele.

My self-boost/self-development goal feels to be a very exciting one, I expect a lot from it. Up till now it was always the improvement of my body that was in my focus but it is clear now that I need to deal with my soul, too. I am not ashamed to admit; I think most people arrive at the point where they realize it – well, it came in my life, too. Right now I feel I could use help and I will work with a life coach on a rock solid, conscious, fulfilled Reka.

How hard is it for you to step out of your comfort zone in favor of achieving a goal? Which was your most difficult situation when you had to do so success?
We need to leave our comfort zones time to time, true, but the way I see it is that when you do that, you will get stronger in the soul. My latest occasion was not too long ago, circumstances made me make the wise decision to go back to my old, liquidation-related job after 13 years of making my livelihood mostly from my sporting activity. I consider this change a temporary one and I am aware my situation is privileged to have a workplace I was able to go back. I still see my future in sport, nonetheless, and this is the vision that gives me the power to cope with this temporary discomfort easier. My motto is, everything is a three-day wonder – this feeling will not last long, either. In the meantime, I will give my best at my workplace as well as in my sports. Luckily this kind of emergency is not frequent in my life but when it comes, I quickly realize the importance of moving on instead of extended self-pitying (which, of course, will not stay away. I can feel very-very sorry for myself, but as is not really constructive, it won’t last long).  

Sacrifices were mentioned in the intro. Tell me what sacrifices your lifestyle requires.
Well, this is a painful subject. I will not talk in length about the quality time spent with my children that suffers from the time invested into my sporting activities. I am striving to consciously shape my athletic life in a way that helps them feel the least of my absence. To achieve that, the kind of flexibility that characterizes my life is a must. On many occasions we do sports together, too, which qualifies as quality time itself. 

What is almost always a victim of my lifestyle is the relationship line of my life. Unfortunately, I have to admit, this has a major role in the ending of most of my relationships. Riding the bike for 1-3 hours a day plus swimming and/or running another 1-2 is one thing. Add regeneration activities, manual therapy, massage, sauna, such and such treatment that are an organic part of an athlete’s life, all those take additional time. To put it short, sadly, my relationships often got to the point where my lifestyle became a source of conflicts.

Small-scale sacrifices like cancelling a fun program, juggling with scheduled dates to squeeze in a much-needed workout or some kind of therapy instead are not even worth mentioning. Those are everyday little things that I have learned to live with; fully natural by now. Prioritization is highly important in my life.

Reka in Action

Do you procrastinate?
Heck yeah. Oh boy. I’m going to be brutally honest here, I am not a domestic goddess. I am not too big in housework. If there is anything I procrastinate, deep cleaning and serious cooking are those things. Girl, I hate both of them. It does not mean I will not do them when it is needed, it just means that all of a sudden everything turns out to be much more important. Shame or not, when I have the chance, I seek help in those activities.

Let’s talk about luck. What are your thoughts? Do you believe in it? Do you think it finds you when you need it badly?
My experience is that life (providence, mind’s creative power, whatever we believe in) does help solving situations.

Speaking of luck: is there any symbolism to the number 3? When I was wording the introduction, I couldn’t not notice the 3 kids – 3 degrees – 3athlon trio.
Haha, I do prefer odd numbers but my favorite one is 9, not 3!

OK, then back to reality now. Are you able to accept that you are good at something? To pat yourself on the back and take your success as the result of you doing great and not as others’ achievement?
Today I am able to recognize and believe that something is my success. I am aware I am not super-talented at anything but I also know I am above-average diligent. I put a lot of work in anything I set my mind to. When I succeed, I am proud, but for too long, I will move on after a brief self-celebration. I am pretty much aware, too, of my motherly values added to my children’s successes.

If an outcome is not as it was expected, do you tend to beat yourself up over it? Do you feel patting back and being hard on self are in a healthy ratio in your life?
Normally I find self-praise more difficult than self-criticism, but my three-day wonder motto stands solidly here, too. Self-blaming lasts like twice as long as my self-satisfaction, though, seasoned with a little self-pitying, too, but in general I am able to process and leave behind both feelings rather fast. I try to learn from my mistakes, draw the proper consequences and remember those next time. 

Do you tend to let things that don’t come out right after multiple attempts go, or do you keep trying till they finally happen?
I am an ever tryer, a not giver upper. However, there are situations that simply just will not work. When I have that realization, and I am positive that I have run out of options, I conclude it is healthy to move on and that is exactly what I do. Even so, I am open for another try at some later point in time, but I won’t fall on my sword if I have to let something go for good after trying a thousand times.

In the 1970’s Mr. Csikszentmihalyi discovered the theory of flow for us, a term used by the common language as the hallmark of fulfillment, or even happiness, but definitely of performance ever since. What brings flow to you, what are the activities that you can become lost in, live your true self in?
Now that is a question the answer to which I do not have to think too much about. Swimming and running are definitely flow experiences for me. I am able to do them literally for hours, fully immersing in them, becoming lost in free movement, giving myself over to my thoughts and emotions. When I am swimming or running, I am falling into a separate world, my own little world, where I get healed, fortified, convinced and repaired. I can become the same lost in listening to classical music or looking at paintings. I love visual art, since high school, where I learned a lot about painters, the circumstances impacting them, their love lives, their ars poetica; of art eras and techniques. When I immerse myself in a painting, I remember all the information I have and incorporate those into the comprehension of the emotions expressed on the canvas. This can truly enchant me and, in all honesty, I have not found a partner yet for sharing my enthusiasm of this kind and talking about it in depth with. Maybe it is OK, though, as this is part of that little private world of mine…

Tell me, why is it so important for you to be a coach? You could concentrate solely on your races, your results, your preparation, or your self-development, not to mention your roles as a mother or an employee. Why did you choose to help people after all?
With all sincerity to get certified as a sports coach was the result of my desire to develop myself. I simply wanted to know and understand the activity I had pursued on a daily basis for long years by then more. The brand Polar was first to approach me with an offer to hold one course training every two weeks and, if I want to be fully honest, during those trainings I felt no right to teach anyone anything. I loved it very much, though; that what I taught my runners was working and I liked to have a good impact on people’s lives. That is what made me decide eventually to begin my studies. I wanted to be able to give them more; I wanted to become more authentic, firstly in my own eyes. Today my drive is to distract people from work for a couple hours; from the crazy race for money, the problems of today’s modern world, and to introduce them to the joy of health preservation and the ability to move. I wish to make them able to turn that joy into a key part of their lives. The world today needs happy people and for that making money is not enough. There is nothing without the health of body and mind.

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Reka, do you have any advice for those who see it impossible to incorporate what they love into their everyday lives the way you do? Who think it is impossible to make a change about their ways: that they are so busy that there is no chance to find time for themselves?
There were three things that helped me and the way I see these are the three things that provide room for improvement for most of us. My experience says these are the areas where scheduling of one’s life goes south significantly. The first one is the “outsourcing” of tasks and asking for help. As I see, many turn it into a question of ego whereas asking your family or close friends for help should not be driven by pride, that is what I think. A family that keeps together will help out the member in need, and should it be regular help, by setting certain rules a long-term collaboration can be established. If someone is not gifted with a strong family background like what I have, I am sure will have a few trusted friends that can jump in sometimes. And if there is really no help like that, the worst-case scenario is to hire a babysitter or a cleaning aid, whatever assistance is needed for. I tend to utilize all three options and I will not take it as a personal offence if someone says ‘no’. I accept it and shape my plans accordingly. I sincerely believe where there is a will, there is a way. This is one of those things, too, with a way if there is true will.

And that brings along the second, well, showstopper, as I consider it myself, known to many. Flexibility. Or rather the lack of that. What works for me is adapting to the situations. Even though I love running in the a.m., and if I could, I would never have my runs any other time, that is the least likely. Instead, I squeeze my workouts in when my kids are having their own training. Or whenever I appear to have a little time. Lunchbreak, for example (and so my running gear is almost always at hand). From this viewpoint I am an absolute opportunist – but this is the way I have no workouts missing. Obviously, my results are not always the ones that I need but at least the movement happens which is essential. This is my choice over pushing my phone buttons for the entire 50 minutes while my children are having their workout. It is not good or bad, it is just my path and this kind of flexibility was and is of high importance in me having got where I am today. Circumstances must be harnessed for our needs; we need to be able to notice opportunities and grab them – otherwise life really might seem to be impossible to change.

The third problem which I think has an important impact is the rejection to organize. Often times it might seem so difficult to plan the kids’ weeks for the nanny that many decide in the end, darn it, it is not worth all that work for just planning, and finally they choose to give up on their own plans and stay. However, thinking it over in advance what should be how is really useful even if we are not seeking help. I notoriously summarize my children’s daily schedules in a spreadsheet so everyone will know exactly what will happen and how during the week, kids as well as nannies. This way questions and glitches can be prevented, thus time can be saved. Of course, it is not simple to gather thoughts thoroughly like that but it won’t take more than an hour per week. It is highly worthwhile for me because it gives me a peace of mind as well as an opportunity to focus on my athletic activities.

The short version: relax a little, dare to become a little more vulnerable. Gather your courage to reach out for help and expose yourself to being turned down. You will not be any less good of a mother or partner; as a mother or a partner we, too, are entitled to the right to focus a little on ourselves on a weekly basis. Notice the opportunities and grab them, and plan in advance - help so that you can be helped. It is so worthwhile. So worthwhile for a mentally and physically healthy, fulfilled life. Certainly worthwhile to me.

Well, I think this is pretty much it for now, Reka, it was fun. Thank you for your time for making this interview happen, it is highly appreciated. Good luck with your goals and, please, keep us in the loop about your progress on Instagram.
It was my pleasure, Kami, thank you.

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