05 - Jennifer Simonetti-Bryan

32 minutes reading

I’m like who does she remind me of…? Beautiful doe eyes, a huge smile; brunette, forever-young-cute… who does she look like…? And then I see this trailer of The Idea of You. Yes. I knew it! It clicks immediately. She completely resembles Anne Hathaway! Not that it matters, you know; but when it comes to a point where you have that burn to put your finger on it whenever you see her on Zoom, it just relaxes the mind to finally remember.

She also makes me homesick in a certain way, one hundred percent. Back in Hungary I was crazy for wines. In the early 2000s I even took a sommelier course that was based on Hungarian wine regions. My favorite region was Szekszard with a few wines from Eger and Villany. I was a huge fan of Takler cab sauvs, Malatinszky rosés and chardonnays from Matyas Szoke, as well as pinot noirs from Tekenohat by Thummerer. Not to mention a good Montepulciano or chianti from Italy. What can I say. Iowa is not quite a hot spot of wine and, like everything else from bread to ham, wine in the U.S. is way too sweet for my Central European palate.

Now this girl knows a lot of Hungarian wines. When I contacted her, she listed the wines she tasted in Tokaj and she walked me down memory lane, for which I will forever be grateful. For warming my heart with not only that, but also with using the proper punctuation of Hungarian language when she was writing me about her experience in Hungary some 14 years ago - which even I am slacking on here in the U.S. to keep things simple. She captured my heart, no doubt.

Attagirl! for the month of May is Jennifer Simonetti-Bryan, MW. Meaning Master of Wine, which is huge. She was the 4th woman in the United States to be bestowed the title, and mark my words, there have only been 149 female Masters of Wine worldwide since 1955.

I first caught sight of her on TV, on the reality TV show The Real Housewives of New York where she orchestrated a wine game for some celebrity crowd. She was humble, extremely knowledgeable, super polite and funny at the same time; a great host all in all that made me do my little research. What, she used to be a finance expert…? What, she left behind her 6-digit-salary profession for living for her passion, wine?? Attagirl! I knew immediately that I wanted to reach out to her.

Rest assured I did, too. And now you can read the essence of our three little encounters in May, which we enjoyed so very much. She talks about her decisive childhood experience, her progress in adulthood, and the choices she made as well as the mechanisms she overcame her difficulties with.

Created with love – read with delight.

[I can’t help but notice that her office in her California home is so bright with the sunshine pouring in, while my office in Iowa is pretty dimly lit by the rays fighting their way through the gray duvet of clouds characterizing Iowa weather for much of the month.] Well, hello, Jennifer!  I can tell it is beautiful over there!
Hello Kami, nice to see you! Yes, it is beautiful here and it is only 9 a.m.

I’m happy for you. Here in the Midwest we are in the tornado-thunderstorm season, but oh well. So, welcome to Attagirl! I am so glad we‘re doing this, very exciting.
Thank you, thank you for getting me to be here, I feel honored to contribute. I am very excited, too.

Well, tell me a bit about growing up, your triggers, goals, and all.
In all honesty, when I look back, my primary drive was to be authentic and value my own uniqueness. I am an identical twin with my sister, which explains so much. People could not tell us apart and when they would get my name wrong, they would remark “Jen, Liz, same thing”. No, I am not my sister, and she is not me. Feeling invisible often made me vulnerable, I wanted family and friends to know me specifically, Jennifer, not just as one of the girls, or one of the twins. I felt unseen, unremarkable, like I did not matter. So, early on I had the desire to be different.

Fortunately, our mom encouraged us to dress differently, so I went with the girly stuff: pink shoes, dresses, purses, while Elizabeth was the ultimate tomboy. Our mom also made a conscious effort to enroll us in separate classes in elementary school. Additionally, our personalities are really different. Elizabeth has always had this inner confidence from birth. [She laughs when she tells the story of how Elizabeth, the breech one of them, was to be born first but she literally “kicked” Jennifer out first.]. She has been the strong one, too. Once, on the school playground, I was picked on by a group of kids, which was not unusual, kids usually found me when they wanted to bully someone. But this time they pulled me by my hair and while struggling I hit my head on a rock. Elizabeth must have seen what happened because she bolted out of the school building and beat the kids.

The pattern remained the same in high school too. Elizabeth was the strong one, I was the one always picked on, most likely because of the insecurity I continuously displayed. Oh, how we hated these juxtapositions, these either-ors: Elizabeth the strong one, me the weak one; Elizabeth the active one, me the scholar one; Elizabeth the tomboy, me the pretty girly girl. We could not be considered the same at anything even if we were not truly that different. I sang in chorus, played the violin, did cheerleading – no matter what I endeavored, bullying followed. I could not find any reason for it other than being too sweet and wanting to people-please. Making friends back then was obviously not my forte. My strategy was to show strength in academics instead. I studied and read a lot. I was a top graduate in high school, with A pluses.

I guess sports were not something you could stand out with.
Oh boy, no. Both Elizabeth and I were sick a lot, and I was not even as strong as Elizabeth. It changed with time, though. In high school Elizabeth was on the tennis team and we were both in badminton (though many in our school thought badminton wasn’t a sport). My mom saw my struggles with confidence and before sending us off to college, she had this idea for us to take self-defense classes, a taekwondo-based one. I practiced a lot with Elizabeth. Those practices gave me a lot of courage to try and step out of my shadow. It was clear, though, that I was doing a great job at defense but was very weak at offense. I had to learn to fall appropriately. I became aware as time passed that this was the chance for me to show that I could do it. That I could get hit, I could fall, but I still could keep coming back. My mantra became Keep going forward! And I did. And at the test, where we had to fight one-on-one with the class members, I finished with a trophy for “most improved.”

This class gave me much confidence and resulted in martial arts becoming an organic part of the years that followed. I got a brown belt in taekwondo, and I also started tai chi to gain more balance, in physical as well as spiritual aspects.

So things started to change in your life, right?
They did indeed! My college years showed the first signs of real confidence. I had two goals: to study international business and to study somewhere else than my local university, where I spent my first two years. Which was New York by then, where my family had moved when my dad retired from the Airforce (have I mentioned that Elizabeth and I were born on an Airforce base in Wyoming?). I wanted to travel; I found the idea of being in the international business world to be extremely exciting. So, I switched gears and I consciously put all my time and energy into my academic work. Which resulted in several paid scholarship offers. One from Georgetown University in WA, where Bill Clinton graduated from, however, business courses seemed insufficient for what I was looking for. I wanted more. So, I went with the unexpected option, the University of Denver, CO, where I could gain a broad understanding of international business.

I studied like crazy for two years and finished close to the top of my class. All that all-nighter studying, all the books read and learned, all the energy and time invested into my knowledge paid off. New York, be ready for me, I am coming! With all the credentials you need, helloooo!

New York, huh? Where better to dip the toes into international business!
Exactly! But guess what. New York did not seem to be interested in either my top grades, or me. I was trying to get a job for close to a year, applying with my high academic record everywhere and more. And nothing.

Bang!

I could not understand it. My resume seemed to be going off into the abyss. Finally, the husband of a friend of Elizabeth’s, who by the time had immersed herself into aerospace technology, drew my attention to a job at Citibank in Manhattan. I jumped on the opportunity. But, for God’s sake, it was a secretary position for a man in the automotive industry department. Secretary?! I didn’t need to go to four years of college for international business to type memos for my boss and get coffee. But I could find nothing else after applying for dozens of jobs for many months. It was demoralizing.

So you took the job.
I did, of course. These years were very humbling, a huge slap to my already fragile ego, but I understood I was not in the position to be picky. I had to readjust my expectations and approached the opportunity with as much positivity as my hurt feelings would allow. Lucky for me, the division had products with huge international potential and my boss was a guy with tremendous knowledge and international experience. I looked up to him very much. I did my best to be the best person for the job.

Because my boss was an expatriate, when he came back to the US, he was preparing for his Series 7 & 63s license exams. When he offered to also take the classes with him, I jumped at the chance. If I could pass the exams, the doors for the Management Associate Program, which was mostly entered by Ivy Leaguers with Master’s Degrees, would open for me. A fierce competition, but a fantastic opportunity for an international business career. It was huge. I wanted to be in the program, badly. Being offered a spot in the classes meant the world to me. I studied on my own, and with no external support I passed. I applied for the Management Associate Program. My boss wrote me a recommendation letter to help and I got in.

Must have been a highly stressful time in your life.
Well, the real stress just began at that point. The program lasted 6 months, but I only had 6 weeks before I had to travel to the UK for the opportunity they wanted me for. Believe me when I say I felt completely insufficient. There was so much I did not understand, despite my hard work, my studies, my best efforts. I felt I was drowning.

Eventually I ended up spending two years in London. Two years of constant anxiety. I wanted to call in sick every day. I sunk into deep depression. I worked 15-18 hours a day, every day, weekends included.

Oh boy. Sounds tough. What happened then?
I started dating this guy. He was English, eloquent, ridiculously smart, successful and I was enamored with him and his “work hard, play hard” lifestyle.  He was a Management Associate that just transitioned out of my department to work in another rotation.

But this guy wanted it back into my department and they wanted him back in too. Only problem was, I had the position and was set for a long rotation. While I can’t quite blame the department for wanting someone back in that they had already invested in and got up to speed, the way they went about getting him back in felt more of an ambush and intentional set-up.

To add insult to injury, this same guy I was dating for months was hiding from me that he was engaged!  I thought we were exclusive and I found out days before the department worked to get rid of me. If I had thought that I could feel no lower – that made me hit rock bottom.

The day they organized to get rid of me I was brought into a private conference room and told to sign a consent contract with this list of mistakes I had made. I realized later they did this so that I could rotate out earlier or be fired from the Management Associate Program so they could get this guy in.

When I read the document, some of the list were indeed mistakes I had made, but some of them were not.  They needed me to consent to it to get this guy in there quickly and I saw it for the ruse it was. All of a sudden, my Keep going forward! mantra from taekwondo clicked in.

I said, no.

For the first time in my life, I said “no” to authority. I was trembling and terrified, but I knew they could not force me to sign anything. At least that was a small victory I could hold on to.

The Management Associates Program did not fire me, but because my department no longer wanted me (he was local and I was an expat), I was sent back to New York for a new rotation. While I felt like the biggest failure on the planet at the time, this turned out to be the best thing for me, though I didn’t know it yet.

I was put in a new department in Manhattan, where I got a more analytical, financial statements-based position which I excelled at. My superiors thought I walked on water. I had all the success I had craved in London. But it was too late.

Because…?
Because I realized banking was not for me. A very combative, competitive, ruthless world and I did not want money enough to be in that world. The money I made was great, but I had to realize it was not everything. Part of me felt it was destroying my soul.

My epiphany came one afternoon at a business lunch in London, but it took months to really create change. I was again falling into my memory of that wonderful sensation when I had that particular meal with that particular wine at that bank lunch event. My most enjoyable culinary experience, a Sancerre, which is Sauvignon Blanc grown in the region of Sancerre in Loire, and herb-crusted salmon – one that was occupying a greater and greater space in my mind and in my heart. It started to grow. I began to think that maybe it was not business, per se, that I needed to be engaged in. I loved events, so perhaps I could work in international event planning.

After that very lunch I went back to the office and worked until 11 p.m., which was very typical by the way. I was so exhausted and then someone said to me, “Jennifer, don’t worry. In about ten years you will have ‘paid your dues’ and you can then do whatever you want.” And then I thought to myself, “I am not going to suffer like this for the next ten years, doing something I don’t like doing, being stressed, yelled at every day, belittled, working like a slave. For what, the possibility of more money and a little more freedom in ten years? I’m in my late 20s and in 10 years it will be more difficult to be married, possibly have children if I want them…” I immediately knew, that was my second epiphany that same day, that this was not going in the right direction. I also did a quick litmus test: “Do I want my boss’s job? No. Do I want my boss’s boss’s job? No.” Then what was I doing there????

Once I got back to New York and pondered these thoughts for a few months, I signed myself up for a wine class for enthusiasts held by Kevin Zraly himself, at Windows on the World restaurant at the Twin Towers in Manhattan in 2000.

And I entered a whole new world and it occurred to me, no business is more international than wine.  This is what I went to school for originally, international business! Things were starting to feel more right.

I tasted wines in the class, and then opened up a map and found the origin of those, the culture, the food recommendations to accompany them, how wonderful! And how much less of a competitive and judgmental world than banking… At this point I was only curious, I had no plans to work with wine. The experience was great, though. Around 200 wine enthusiasts in the audience, a dynamic teacher, a world I did not know existed before opening up for me. I was hungry to know more and I could not learn fast enough. If the spark was that lunch in London, this class was definitely the gasoline on that.

When the course was getting towards the end, I started panicking. What will I do afterwards? So, at the end of one of the classes I got my act together and approached the teacher with my newly found passion. He told me to wait a little and we’d come up with a plan for me. I was so proud to tell him later that I’d taken a job at the Burgundy Wine Company and I was selling wine! In a real wine store! Selling wine to corporate clients! Well, he was not so enthusiastic by my choice of working in wine sales and he simply told me to call him in six months. I called him nine months later wanting out of that job and we finally put together my resume and he gave me a list of names to contact and collect information from. “Just informational interviews for you to ask questions”, he said. I dove into my research, excited, proud, and happy.

Sounds like so much fun!
And it was. To my greatest surprise, when I reached out to this lady and she accepted me in her office, she literally interviewed me while I myself was trying to get info from her. I just kept and kept and kept asking her my questions and she asked what kind of a job I was looking for. Wait, what? She mentioned then that they had a job opening for an event planner. What I did not know was that Mr. Zraly had previously consulted her about me. Of course, I took the position and could not have been happier. In six months I became a brand manager.

I never stopped learning. At 4 p.m. I would grab my things and leave the office for home, where I would spend my evenings learning and learning and learning.

I trained myself from ground zero in 2000 into a Master of Wine by 2008.

Huge, congratulations! What about your private life, which seems a little bit pushed beside all that learning. Share a little with me, and the readers, of course, about that.
Without a doubt I did not have much time for dating or for friends. I did not invest much time in dating. I invested all my time in studying. But I did need to give love and be loved back. However, I wanted to minimize time loss as a result of dates leading nowhere, so I decided to go online. That is how I met my husband in 2004. We got married in 2007.

I had this technique that I used to focus on what was important to me and believed was working when I needed help from above. I had this pastor who taught me about calling-in of wishes – call it manifestation, call it attraction, call it hope, call it faith, call it whatever you wish. The point was I gave thanks to God for making the desired situation possible and acted like I was already in that situation. I created what I call a manifestation card, about my husband, where I gave thanks to God for the perfect man and all the characteristics he had. I did this practice twice a day, and I truly believe it played a serious part in finding the right guy for me. Ahm… I guess I did not give enough particulars about his job and the irony was that, of course, he was a banker. But oh well, everything else was just perfect. Plus, him being a banker meant he was extremely busy, like myself, which clearly was not a halt for us. On the contrary. We designated Wednesdays and Saturdays as date nights. It was clean and easy to follow. That way we could make the most out of our relationship, these few occasions were truly high-quality. I believe I have the greatest husband, he has always been super supportive of my intense passion, there has been nothing I could not pursue with his consent and full support. He is a wise man whose advice I can boldly take knowing he wants the best for me, for us. We truly are two peas in a pod.

So cool, Jennifer. When you started the relationship, you were already walking on your path to MW, right?
Yes. I was in the middle of my MW program with a lot of blind tasting of course. Well, the more I learned, the more insecure I felt. During this time it seemed everyone knew more than I did. The good-ole imposter syndrome overtook me. It is so crazy how the mind can challenge you and make you believe less of yourself. I am grateful to my husband who opened my eyes to my actual value that seemed to appear less and less in my own eyes in the course of my interactions with fellow students.

We had a study group for tasting where we gathered and tasted wines together and shared our ideas. When it was my turn to host this study group, of course my husband was home, a silent observer. He helped me understand that when I felt torn down by my study peers, I had every right to feel so, as they truly were trying to tear me down and not build me up. With his help I was able to make the conscious decision to leave this study group behind, prepare by myself, which forced me to do it in a smarter way focusing on the positive things only, and leaving behind things making me insecure for good.

In 2008 THE phone call came. They were looking for Jennifer Simonetti-Bryan, Master of Wine. I made it. I finally made it, it took me two tries, but I made it! The happiness was accompanied with a sense of sadness, too. Again, now what?

And, what? What does Jennifer Simonetti-Bryan, Master of Wine do today?
Well, after the initial sadness of one chapter ending, again, I took my inventory. I realized my knowledge of wine, practical and theoretical, was immense. I figured I had become a much better writer, thanks to all the essays I had to turn in, and the wide, powerful vocabulary I obtained during my journey. I also had become more analytical and discerning.

I felt I just had to utilize those polished skills in my new, MW life. I sought ways to do so and, honestly, ways seemed to find me, too. I got the invitation to do a five-course series with The Great Courses (now called Wondrium), a proposal I accepted gladly. In 2010 I published a wine book, then another one, co-writing it with a Certified Master Chef (CMC) about food pairing, which was super fun. I was on TV on multiple occasions, on morning shows and what not, but, in all sincerity, these years were pretty intense and not as enjoyable as I would have liked. I found this kind of life very depersonalizing, one’s integrity may be questioned. A lot of work was put into these things and minimal gain of any nature came in return. That was another epiphany. Things needed to change.

After taking everything into consideration I decided to start my own company. It was a huge step for me and a 2-year period of mental-strategic planning preceded my first online course that I launched in 2020. I had to learn all about production and the strategy I wanted to follow in constructing my business plan. It was a very interesting learning curve and the business, an online teaching platform, continues to be a success. This company is what represents everything I have acquired in my life. Through my banking experience, through my wine experience, through everything I have witnessed and learned as a person. It is my baby.

Sounds like you have achieved everything you wanted in life. Is there anything you would do differently if you could?
I don’t regret anything that happened to me, it might sound cliché that what happened to me have made me into the person I am today, but it is true, one hundred percent. My drive was to be the best at least at one thing. And the Master of Wine was the opportunity to be the best in the world at something, like the Olympics.

Do I regret not having children? Sometimes. Should God have graced me with children in my 30s or 40s, I would not have turned them away. However, my husband, Christopher and I were not actively or intentionally trying either. All mothers have my greatest respect as it is the most intense and most difficult job in the world. They have real courage.

Jennifer, your life seems to be so rich as it is, you have had unique experiences, from being an identical twin through seeking and finding your authenticity to taking the risk of leaving the banking world behind to pursue and live your passion, your dream. I am amazed by the courage you have had to steadily fight for what has been important to you. What would you advise to anyone who is in a similar dilemma today?
To follow any dream, I think of the words of President Theodore Roosevelt from 1910 when he was giving a speech.  Theodore Roosevelt’s home at Sagamore Hill on Long Island is close to where I spent most of my childhood and his words really resonate with me to not give up.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910.

Keep pushing forward!  Go slower at times if you need to, but don’t you give up! Wherever you are, whoever you are, I am cheering for you on the sidelines to keep going. I hope my story has helped you in any way it can.

Thank you, Jennifer, for your honest words and the chance to peek into your immensely eventful life. I am sure a lot of us will find multiple takeaways from all that have been shared. It was a wonderful experience working with you.
Thank you, Kami, for the opportunity, it was my pleasure.

If you want to find out more about Jennifer, please click on the links below.

Instagram
Website 1
Website 2
TEDx: Unlocking The Hidden Power of the Palate
Audible: The Everyday Guide to Wine
Audible: The Everyday Guide to Wines of France
Audible: The Everyday Guide to Wines of Italy
Audible: The Everyday Guide to Wines of California
Amazon: The One Minute Wine Master
Amazon: Rosé Wine: The Guide to Drinking Pink